I've been reading a book on habits lately - more about that another time - and one thing that stuck out to me is the idea of a bedtime. Since I don't have a paying job, I don't have a compelling need to have a strict bedtime - even though I'm almost always in bed by 12:15.
The author talks about getting ready for bed before being tired, so she can make the decision to go to bed easier. This too sounded funny to me. I hate getting into bed if I'm not super tired, it feels like a waste of time!
But I'm really intrigued by this idea of habits and consistency. The problem lies at my feet. Quite literally.
I have yet in recent memory to make it to bed before midnight without Mikenna becoming incessantly whiny. It's like there's a thirty minute window in which I can go to bed. Any earlier and she is upset and antsy. Try to stay up later, and she'll whine at me until I go to bed. Sometimes she whines from the bed, which is extra Mikenna-ish.
I can go through the same bedtime routine, but if it's at 11:30, it will backfire.
Even going to bed "on time" isn't a guarantee of a smooth night. On a good night, Mikenna gets me out of bed once to pee. On a bad night, I'll have no idea what she wants and run through the gamut of possible Koo needs. Those nights are exhausting, and since I love sleep, I dread them.
So even after I get to bed, I have to stay awake until I know Koo is settled. By then, I might be wide awake again.
It's hard to figure out a healthy bedtime ritual when so much of my sleep is out of my power. But I know it's not forever.
I can feel Koo's heartbeat through my feet as she's wedged herself against me. I do better with consistency in my life, but by golly, I'd rather have that little cuddle bug with me than all the sleep in the world.