On Being Weary

I’ll be honest, I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed by everything that happened last week, and the whole pandemic in general.

I don’t necessarily do well with winter in general – not the stereotypical cold, snowy, overcast winter. That’s part of the reason I generally like Virginia winters – all of that weather is kept to a minimum. I don’t like not being able to get out. The weekend before last, we got snow, and then we had weather that kept the snow from melting, and by Friday, anything that hadn’t been plowed was a sheet of ice.

Since December, covid cases in our area have been very high. Until then, if I knew someone who got covid, it was an acquaintance, or a friend of a friend. But off the top of my head, I think about 50% of my close friends in the area have had it in the past month. That means to me, it’s downright foolish to be spending time with people or hanging out in stores and restaurants. I’m starting to feel drained by the lack of socialization. I can talk to people online or on the phone, but let’s be honest, it’s not the same. I know a lot of people are in the same boat.
Speaking of covid, my parents had it last week. They’re fine, thankfully, but that was stressful.

Of course, Gwen dying is stressful and comes with a hefty serving of grief. When Gwen went blind, she pulled away from all of us. I think she wanted to make herself as safe as possible, and I don’t blame her. Consequently, to some extent, it felt like I lost Gwen over a year ago. But she had gotten a bit more social in the last several months, and while it was weird to have a bathroom buddy, I can’t say that I minded it. So my grief of Gwen is two-fold. I miss having her at all, and I miss the absolute sweetheart she was before she went blind. It’s tricky, because I’m also so glad that she’s no longer dealing with all of her various medical conditions. Human emotions are complex and exhausting.

I know “this too will pass”, and it’s not like I’m completely devoid of good things. Cuppie & Aeris have been cuddlebugs, which isn’t really much different than normal, but I certainly appreciate it. The weather has gotten better. I’ve read a couple good books, and spent the majority of the weekend indulging in more tv and movies than I generally do. But I’m tired and sad, and I know it’s okay to be both of those things.

Anyway, here’s a picture. I don’t know how on earth I got them all to look at the camera at the same time, but I could almost frame this for joy.

Left top, Cuppie & Aeris. Bottom, Vizzi